Theme Songs

I had a pretty funny conversation with the kids about music the other day. They were assigning each family member a "theme song"

Benjamin decided he would be AC/DC's "TNT" which is very appropriate. He sees himself as a tough guy. Prone to display a nasty temper from time to time...the song surely fits.

Jake decided that he likes the song by the Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling" which suits him as he is usually a happy go lucky guy. Not really into dance music, but he really does like the song and the lyrics.

Emma. Oh my dearest tween Emma. We (and when I say we I mean the boys, decided that her theme song would be an oldie but goody. A song by a really stupid band called the Spin Doctors called "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong." I think the title pretty much says it all. Poor thing didn't stand a chance having the boys decide for her.

Boo Boo Chicken's song was One Republic's "It's Too Late to Apologize." She is still a toddler and still has a hard time sharing/saying she's sorry. And sometimes, even when she is apologized to she has a hard time letting it go.

My husband's theme song was the song they play for Darth Vader during Star Wars. He considers this the highest compliment as Darth Vader is one bad motherfucker.

And I picked my own theme song. Only one song would do. Elton John's "The Bitch is Back." This is a sentimental favorite because my brother would sing it in the shower getting ready for work (he had a cuntish boss who made his life hell) and I picked it because I am adequate and tough as hell.

So...as I think about co-workers, friends, and other family members, I wonder what their theme song is....

Party Like It's 2010

Well we went to Atlanta. We came back from Atlanta. My sister in law has a serious boyfriend that she has been dating for about six months and it looks pretty serious. My brother in law just broke up with his girlfriend of five years who turned out to be mean, snobbish, and just an all around biiiacch. My father in law's back feels better, much better. My mother in law. My wonderful Atlanta mother in law looked very tired.

I cornered her at one point and asked her if she was feeling ok and would she tell us if there were something going on with her healthwise...she slapped me on the arm and said "Oh shut up, none of us are getting any younger." You would have to know Nina to appreciate that. But she is the matriarch, the nurturer, the nurse, the fashion goddess, and the best freaking cook. If she were ill or we lost her--I don't know what we would all do. She is our anchor in a sea of uncertainty. A dramatic statement but I mean it.

I drank too much. I ate too much. My stomach let me know several times in a not so subtle way that I had ate and drank too much. Ughhh. My fucking stomach. Every once in a while I will smell something sweet and think it's Canadian Club and about toss my cookies...but then I talk myself down and realize I am home in Champaign--where it's freezing and where we keep no Canadian Club in the house. And speaking of Canadian Club and tossing cookies...

My husband and I went to dinner with my sister in law and her boyfriend and at the end of the evening after a lengthy car ride into the city I threw up in new boyfriend's driveway. It was awful. At least I didn't do it in his car. After I was done retching in his driveway I said "Fucking Asian drivers!!" (He's Vietnamese) He looked at me like I can't believe you just said that and then laughed. So he has been properly vetted and seems to fit right into the circus that is the Atlanta family.

And that my friends, is how you ring in New Years.

Bday

My birthday consisted of...

waiting for the plumber

watching him fix master suite toilet

yelling at my kids about chores and general ungratefulness

counting gray hairs

shaving my legs

not getting dressed

explaining to my 4 year old that i don't get cake on my birthday

if the highlight of my birthday is the fucking plumber hitting on me then please point your nearest gun in my face and squeeze the trigger....and. POW. I joked with a friend before the plumber arrived that maybe the plumber would be really hot and would give me a birthday rogering. And just kidding as I stood at the kitchen counter tapping my pen to write the check he went on and on and on about his divorce and how familiar i looked and how I didn't look like I had four kids and my dogs were so well behaved and wow I my eyes were really pretty...

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH I OWE YOU BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY YOUR WIFE COOKED OR IRONED YOUR SHIRTS YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT FUCKSTICK. IT'S MY GODDAMNED 35TH BIRTHDAY AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO LOSER FUCKING ASSHOLES LIKE YOU. YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

happy birthday to me...and many more :)